I cannot remember the last time I have done something for the sake of just doing it and not because I am expecting a return. I either do something like work with a client because they are going to pay me. I write and post it in my blog so that I will get followers who will read my work and then someone is bound to pay me for that. I take Willow for walks along the beach so that she will leave me alone for the rest of the day and I can then get my work done.
I started crafting and posted it everywhere on social media so that I could get likes and nods of approval thereby validating myself. I contact a friend I have not spoken to in a really long time because I want something in return. I tell my mom it is OK to visit because then the rest of the time I do not have to feel guilty about not having her around.
Does all of this make me a horrible human being, or does this just make me human? As an adult I took an art class and even though the art teacher was wonderfully patient and constructive in her criticism I was in that class because I was hoping to prove a point. To whom you might ask, well to that damned art teacher from school and of course to myself. What was my point? I am an artist. Interestingly, a true artist does not feel the need to prove anything, they are just artist because they feel they may go mad if they do not express themselves creatively.
So, I ask myself why do I have to prove anything to either the art teacher of so long ago or to myself? Why can I not art just for the sake of ‘arting’? Stephanie taught me in that adult class, whenever I complained about how terrible I was as an artist, that every bad piece I produced was just getting all the no’s out of the way so that I could get closer to the piece I said ‘yes’ to. She was right. I stuck it out long enough to create a piece I loved!
The same goes for my writing and participating in this challenge. I am writing for the sake of writing. I am writing to put down on paper all these thoughts that keep churning around and around. I am writing to get out of my head and onto the page so I can release to the ether all these experiences that have haunted me and stopped me from writing before. I am writing so that I can get out of the way all these pieces that I think will make wonderful stories and allow to come through the piece that is waiting to be written.
I am writing to get all the terrible pieces out of the way so I can write a brilliant one.